Wouldn’t it be nice if we learned life lessons before we failed?
Life is full of choices.
Our focus today is to talk about one of those choices.
So — why is your partner choosing work over you?
Don’t they know it makes you feel stressed, lonely, irritated, or frustrated?
Maybe you’ve told them.
The problem persists. Nothing changes.
You begin to question your relationship.
The problem is that you are only looking at the issue from one angle.
That’s why I’m here.
I married at 19 years old. Wholeheartedly unprepared.
Life taught me a lesson though.
In this post, I’ll give you my personal experience of why I chose work, the tension associated, and the lessons I learned.
Why I Chose Work:
In a world obsessed with success, we often find ourselves sacrificing our personal lives for the sake of career advancement.
I, too, fell into this trap, with hopes of providing a better life for my family.
At the beginning of our relationship, we didn’t have much. We were a single-income family that lived in a small two-bedroom house.
So what did I do? I worked hard. Harder than anyone around me.
It wasn’t long before we saw promotions and new opportunities.
The best part of it all was the gratitude and appreciation my wife had for me.
It felt amazing.
The icing on the cake.
I enjoyed feeling appreciated and respected.
Time went on.
My responsibilities grew as I assumed leadership roles.
This required more sacrifices from both of us.
In the midst of it all, bitterness simmered. Subtle and quiet in nature.
Soon it surfaced in comments that felt reasonable.
“Why can’t you get off work early?”
“Are you still at work?”
Like an untamed wildfire, the fire intensified and moved with purpose.
The flames burned with each argument.
The appreciation and respect vanished in the smoke.
We should have called the Fire Department.
Because, eventually, you run out of water.
The Allure of Prioritizing Self-Respect:
Respecting oneself means recognizing and honoring personal boundaries, values, and aspirations.
Driven by a desire to nurture my own growth, I made a conscious decision to commit my time to areas where I experienced respect and fulfillment.
The Tension of Choosing Priorities:
While prioritizing my own self-respect seemed like the right choice, it unwittingly created tension within my marriage.
The very act of fiercely defending my boundaries, which had empowered me, inadvertently eroded the foundation of our relationship.
Recognizing the Cracks:
As the walls of our marriage began to crack under the strain, I had to confront the true cost of my choices.
It became evident that by prioritizing only my own areas of respect, I unintentionally undermined the respect and appreciation I once held for my spouse and our relationship.
The time I devoted to where I felt respected came at the expense of the respect I should have nurtured within my marriage.
In the aftermath of my failed marriage, I came to realize the importance of balance.
While self-respect is crucial for personal growth, it should not come at the expense of neglecting the needs and feelings of our partners.
Learning to strike a balance between personal aspirations and the nurturing of our relationships is vital to maintaining a healthy and fulfilling life.
This might sound obvious but in a relationship — you can’t have a self-centered approach.
This means both sides need to drop their self-centeredness.
Finding Harmonious Commitments:
Rebuilding my life post-divorce taught me the importance of finding harmonious commitments.
I discovered that personal success and self-respect should not be pursued in isolation, but rather nurtured alongside the growth and flourishing of our relationships.
Striking a balance between the areas that empower us and the needs of our loved ones allows for a more holistic and gratifying existence.
While my story may or may not be the same as your situation, I do hope you recognize that clear communication, respecting boundaries, and appreciating your partner are vital for a successful partnership.