Why You Can’t Make Them Happy

Why You Can’t Make Them Happy

This life lesson has taken me a while to grasp, and even if I could turn back time, I’m not sure I would.

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It’s a painful realization, but an important one nonetheless.

The truth is, you cannot make someone else happy.

It’s simply impossible.

Moreover, it’s not your responsibility to do so.

Let me reiterate:

You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. Their. Happiness.


No matter your best effort — it will never be enough. 

What I struggled to recognize at the time was that Brandon was happy. 

But for some reason, I was so focused on why she wasn’t. 

That was the mistake I made. 

Never again. 

Taking on the burden of your partner’s happiness will come at an expense.

It erodes your time, your happiness, your goals, and your peace.

Even worse, you may lose yourself in the process. 

It happened to me. 

And it will sneak up on you if you let it. 

Unfortunately, the damage isn’t realized until it’s too late. 

In relationships, we often unconsciously believe that our partner will complete us and fulfill our every desire and need.

It probably doesn’t help that most of us watch Disney movies as kids. 

We ingest fairy tales and unrealistic romantic expectations at a young age. 

Disclaimer: I do love Disney. (Lion King — Fav!)

The basic truth is that it’s a common trap many fall into.

Naturally, most of us want to make others happy.

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However, if we’re not careful, we undermine our own individuality and personal responsibility, as well as that of our partner.

Here’s what you should do. 

Focus your energy, time, and resources on becoming the best version of yourself.

Now, settle down, Karin. 

I’m not advocating for complete selfishness.

What I mean is, to prioritize your personal growth.

You see — when you focus on becoming the best you, you put yourself in the best position to enhance your partner’s happiness. 

Sometimes it’s hard to sit back and watch your partner be unhappy. 

You feel helpless and responsible. 

Here’s my advice — establish strong boundaries and make it known that you are not responsible for their happiness. 

This applies to all relationships. 

However, if your partner is still struggling despite your efforts, there may be deeper issues that require professional help.

Once again, it will be painful, but it’s crucial to remember that you are not responsible for their happiness.

Encourage them to seek support and pursue what they believe will make them happy.

Harboring unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment in a committed relationship.

Each partner brings their unique background, desires, and values to the table, often resulting in mismatches or conflicts.

Putting the weight of our happiness solely on our partner’s shoulders sets them up for failure.

It’s honestly unfair to expect someone else to manage and fulfill our happiness. 

It only leads to heartache.

People change, emotions fluctuate, and our desires evolve.

Constantly trying to keep up with these changes becomes an arduous task, ultimately revealing the limitations of our ability to make someone happy.

Respecting and valuing each other’s autonomy is an essential aspect of any healthy relationship.

While we share our lives with another person, it’s crucial to acknowledge that our partners are separate individuals with their dreams, passions, and responsibilities.

Attempting to manipulate or control their happiness will only breed resentment and a sense of being trapped.

Respecting their autonomy means granting them the freedom to pursue their happiness, even if it differs from our vision.

By pursuing personal goals, passions, and self-care, we cultivate our happiness.

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Nurturing ourselves brings a deeper sense of satisfaction and joy to our romantic partnership.

Genuine happiness comes from within, and only when we find contentment in ourselves can we truly contribute to the happiness of our significant others.

Most of us have heard the saying…

“If you don’t fill your cup, other people will drain you dry.”

Don’t do what I did. 

Embrace your personal growth and development, both individually and as a couple.

Accepting these limitations grants us the freedom to focus on fostering a healthy, supportive, and compassionate relationship instead of burdening ourselves with unrealistic expectations.


In closing, personal reflection has opened my eyes to the challenges and limitations we face in making someone else happy in a committed relationship.

Happiness is a complex and deeply personal emotion that comes from one place. 

Within. 

We help nurture our happiness when we communicate openly, respect individual autonomy, and recognize the intricacies of our own needs and desires.

Take care, 

Brandon

 

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